Undeserving

If a person was born into a bad situation, a bad family or such, one would be more inclined to say that the child victim deserves a chance, deserves more, deserves a life, etc.  Quite often, the person making the comment has their reasons for not checking back to see how the child was doing.

Fast forward in the child's life, to when they turn 16 and the situation never did get better for them, but none the less, the child has persevered and done the best he could have done with the life he was given.  He was on the streets and needed a place to stay badly.  He was hungry, but continued to try to succeed in school, going as much as he could.  The school social worker notices his irregular attendance and contacts the child's parents, and they make up lies to cover their situation, but still leave the kid hanging onto nothing.

Many of the people who have previously made remarks about this young child needing a chance, walk past him every day now, and make rude comments about his hygiene.  They often murmur to one another, wondering what this kid's story is, but they never asked.  They just continued to walk by and gossip about the kid or his parents.

Everyday is a brand new struggle for a homeless kid.  What makes it worse, is that many agencies will not help the kid without a parent's consent.  It is against the law.  Homeless kids either find a way on their own, or end up in the system - more often than not, mixed with juvenile delinquents.  They carry the stigma of their crowd.  By the time these teens actually reach foster care, they end up going from home to home, never quite achieving stability and a chance.  Some of these teens get tired of being at the butt end of everyone else's lives and either end up in a life of crime or end up taking their lives.

Before you know it, society has already black labelled this kid, his record only making him a target of law enforcement, despite the fact that this child was a victim all of his life.  It is because of the lack of love this child received from the beginning, that this child is targeted because no matter how happy this child is with his life, he will have to prove that against his allegations.  How would he even begin to know how to do this, when he has not a foundation to learn much of this with?  He may lack confidence.   Regardless of the outcome,  its just another notch on his belt of life, and just another twig in the lonely fire that burns within.

Now as a full grown adult,  this once homeless kid with no chance may have the minimal provisions in life, but nonetheless he is happy.  Suddenly people begin to tell him what he wants and why he is so useless to them.  They wonder why this would make him go away.  They judge him for living life the only way he knows how and put new labels to disgrace him.  He knows better, he's been there and has seen that already.  He knows the outcome in the long run.  But because of his humble beginnings, society deems him undeserving.

Kahala Lei

Blood Money Poets

Former Homeless Child

Voice of the People

copyright 2017

Six in the Morning

Eleven PM.  and it's about to be midnight, my friend.  second shift is coming to an end, and I'm going to see my beloved boyfriend.  

It's about time midnight rolled around, I've showered, dressed and let my hair down.  He comes to meet me in our designated spot.  Today is not the day for us to get hot.  His brother in tow back seat in the car, our romance tonight won't get very far.  

But that never stopped Shawn from finding a way, to put a smile on his girl's day.  He put Tito to drive, we sat in the back seat, and even though we didn't act out in heat, he gave me a plan that would make my life complete.  Said he couldn't stand to watch my suffering at home.  Said he knew how I felt, I wasn't alone.  Between us were too many stories of abuse and pain, but together he felt we'd become whole again.  The things we wanted from our future lives, was nothing of pain so we would be wise.  We'd build our own family, we'd realize our dreams, together as one, on a unified team.  He asked me about kids, and what I wanted from life, then he pulled out a ring and asked me to be his wife.  I laughed and I cried.  I squealed with glee, to have thought of our future coming alive.

We pulled in the house at approximately three, to celebrate with family and eventually sleep.

At six in the morning came the fatal knock of doom, and there were four of us passed out in the living room.  All jumped up in alarm at the urgent sound, and the men took to protect the women around.  Two shots fired when he opened the door, my Shawn fell forward, face down to the concrete floor.  My God, what have they done?  What did they do this for?

The bullet had riccocheted throughout Shawn's head, but surprisingly enough, he wasn't dead.  I stood by his side for eight long days, emotional torture, my heart enraged.  Left side of his brain just hanging out, my heart - a million pieces shattered about.

Shortly thereafter, my second dance with cancer, yet somehow I felt this time that wasn't the answer.  Another opinion would say something different. A heartbeat, a body, two arms, legs, and a head.  Something tells me this cancer was a baby instead! It was the one dream that Shawn asked of me.  He only asked for one baby.  He wanted a son that was named after him, from a wife he'd be forever akin.

Now after all of this I realized this beautiful nightmare will never be done, because the beauty of the nightmare is that I raise his only beautiful son.

Life has gone on, as does with time, but inside my heart, Shawn will forever reside.  I have our child to raise and that changed my life.  I learned how to be a mother, I learned about strife.

Thank you, Shawn, for what you've done for me, for being a part of my life, however short it seemed.. Thank you for our son, thank you for our dreams.  Thank you for all of our good memories.

Kahala Lei 

Blood Money Poets

copyright 2013

Uncertainty

It's nights like these that make me remain determined in life.  Everything in life is uncertain.  I'm not stupid enough to believe its just me.. these are the signs of the times.  Everybody wants to use the next person in life, to get where they are going.  The problem is that people are unable to admit the truth to themselves and others, somehow forcing themselves to believe that if they mask it with politeness, that makes things all right in the world.  Reality check: you are lying to yourself.

Admit it to yourself, folks:  everybody is in your life for either a reason, a season or a lifetime.  Accept that for what it is, and work with it.  There's nothing you can do to change that.  Life is full of uncertainty.. and that is one thing that IS certain!

_____________________

Written 28 November 2011 

Published 1 March 2017

Kahala Lei

Poet, Humanitarian, Activist

copyright 2017