Six in the Morning

Eleven PM.  and it's about to be midnight, my friend.  second shift is coming to an end, and I'm going to see my beloved boyfriend.  

It's about time midnight rolled around, I've showered, dressed and let my hair down.  He comes to meet me in our designated spot.  Today is not the day for us to get hot.  His brother in tow back seat in the car, our romance tonight won't get very far.  

But that never stopped Shawn from finding a way, to put a smile on his girl's day.  He put Tito to drive, we sat in the back seat, and even though we didn't act out in heat, he gave me a plan that would make my life complete.  Said he couldn't stand to watch my suffering at home.  Said he knew how I felt, I wasn't alone.  Between us were too many stories of abuse and pain, but together he felt we'd become whole again.  The things we wanted from our future lives, was nothing of pain so we would be wise.  We'd build our own family, we'd realize our dreams, together as one, on a unified team.  He asked me about kids, and what I wanted from life, then he pulled out a ring and asked me to be his wife.  I laughed and I cried.  I squealed with glee, to have thought of our future coming alive.

We pulled in the house at approximately three, to celebrate with family and eventually sleep.

At six in the morning came the fatal knock of doom, and there were four of us passed out in the living room.  All jumped up in alarm at the urgent sound, and the men took to protect the women around.  Two shots fired when he opened the door, my Shawn fell forward, face down to the concrete floor.  My God, what have they done?  What did they do this for?

The bullet had riccocheted throughout Shawn's head, but surprisingly enough, he wasn't dead.  I stood by his side for eight long days, emotional torture, my heart enraged.  Left side of his brain just hanging out, my heart - a million pieces shattered about.

Shortly thereafter, my second dance with cancer, yet somehow I felt this time that wasn't the answer.  Another opinion would say something different. A heartbeat, a body, two arms, legs, and a head.  Something tells me this cancer was a baby instead! It was the one dream that Shawn asked of me.  He only asked for one baby.  He wanted a son that was named after him, from a wife he'd be forever akin.

Now after all of this I realized this beautiful nightmare will never be done, because the beauty of the nightmare is that I raise his only beautiful son.

Life has gone on, as does with time, but inside my heart, Shawn will forever reside.  I have our child to raise and that changed my life.  I learned how to be a mother, I learned about strife.

Thank you, Shawn, for what you've done for me, for being a part of my life, however short it seemed.. Thank you for our son, thank you for our dreams.  Thank you for all of our good memories.

Kahala Lei 

Blood Money Poets

copyright 2013