From experience i'll tell you
There ain't no easy way out
Straight from the ghetto
I invented my route
Leaving all i knew behind
For a life unknown
Reaping different kinds of benefits
From the seeds i've sown
Faith, knowledge and trust
Could be important keys to succeed
But how does one learn to trust
When she's knocked down on her knees
Robbed of all but her inner dignity
She's learned the familiar feeling
Of greater insecurity
Pushing the broom across the floor, she must
To make a dollar to feed those kids
She don't have a bank trust
Seems so distant from reality to believe
My dreams are what my thoughts just couldn't conceive
That once upon a time, that girl was me
Harsh oh it was
No words spoken more true
I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you
This road was mad tough
There were so many times i've said
"Enough is enough!"
Please don't disect my life story
And call yourself - callin my bluff
Because when my wave reaches to you
Its gonna hit you rough
Left to her own devices
The girl was out of home by age nine
did what she had to do
Just to go to school and survive
Pushin anything, as long as she
Didn't have to push herself
Self respect was the only way
This girl had any wealth.
Kicked out of school
In her senior year
Made her wonder what the struggle
Was for, word is sincere
Not sure if there was another way
Out of this death wish
All she could do was dream
Of a life without this
"God shed light upon me and
Show me the way.
God, I wanna get out of this one day!
God help me now, I don't want to die a dealer..
God do something in my life to make
My dreams realer!
God let me look though the window
To see fresh grass and trees,
God I don't want to witness another
Necrosy!
Lord, my God, I beggeth you please!
Let me be somewhere that I can breathe!!"
To all of these prayers, my Lord opened doors
He asked me what all the commotion was for?
He said to me, Kah, what is it you want?
He said to put down the .., put down the blunt
He said live a life that was righteously so
As for some of my loved ones, I'd have to let go
Because they wouldn't change
Because of my pain,
Just look at how many times
They left me standin in the rain!
He asked was it worth going through again?
I said "No! How much longer can I sustain?"
To that my God had closed many doors
But for my children and I, He opened one more
He said its not much, to make what I can
That there was no time to put together a plan
Tis was time to put my dreams into full action
It was about time I found satisfaction
Rough times ahead, keep one goal in mind
I'm gonna reach my goals...
I promise me..
In due time.
Kahala Lei
copyright 2009
24 October 2010
Determination
The girl is aggressive
She slept well rested
The music's invested
Trusted and lusted
Her heart has combusted
He pulled her down to the floor
She got up and said "no more"
He walked out the door
Left the kids to cry
Without sayin good bye
After years of abuse
She was not amused
The pain makes her talk
Ambition makes her walk
Automated nightmares
Do you really think people care?
No one hears what she goes through
Some even call her a fool
She continues to persue her dream
She won't lie down to die
Know what I mean?
Many years have gone by
With mental lows, mental highs
Sometimes she tries
Sometimes she cries
Sometimes she just puts it all aside
Determination
Aggrevation
Tryin to rebuild this
Broken down nation
She just can't stop
Until her body drops
Six feet deep in the ground
Her soul has been found
A calling from God
Is taking her to the top
No more will she stay
At the bottom, she prays
Rising like a hot air balloon
Nevermind the goons
Where there's a will
There's a way.
Kahala Lei
copyright 2008
22 October 2010
Life is so horrible, huh?
We all have those days where we feel like our own lives just couldn't get any worse, or even more so, we're actually afraid to find out!!!
If you've read some of my work, you'll see that I didn't have a silver spoon, a great family... lol or even a family!! But I don't generally let those historical facts hold me down. During those stepping stone years, I taught myself with history books and by observing rich people behaviors. Because I lived in the hood, I didn't have to observe what I already saw daily.
We've all heard the phrase, "No matter how bad you think you have it, there's always someone who's had it worse." Have you ever actually researched the value behind this cliche?
When people ask me how I can be so chipper and smiley, "after all that I've been through" or "with a life like mine", I always think about those who have had worse. I've read about some of them: Jesus, Elie Weisel, my own grandmother Miyoko Azuma, the people affected by slavery, Native Americans who don't even make up 1% of the population of the land that was theirs to begin with, Rapa Nui, Maoris, Hawaiians before and after Public Law 103 and its content, residents of Rwanda, those affected by Apartheid, and the list goes on.
Here's a list in short of great reads that will teach one many lessons of history, struggles, and defeat.
If you've read some of my work, you'll see that I didn't have a silver spoon, a great family... lol or even a family!! But I don't generally let those historical facts hold me down. During those stepping stone years, I taught myself with history books and by observing rich people behaviors. Because I lived in the hood, I didn't have to observe what I already saw daily.
We've all heard the phrase, "No matter how bad you think you have it, there's always someone who's had it worse." Have you ever actually researched the value behind this cliche?
When people ask me how I can be so chipper and smiley, "after all that I've been through" or "with a life like mine", I always think about those who have had worse. I've read about some of them: Jesus, Elie Weisel, my own grandmother Miyoko Azuma, the people affected by slavery, Native Americans who don't even make up 1% of the population of the land that was theirs to begin with, Rapa Nui, Maoris, Hawaiians before and after Public Law 103 and its content, residents of Rwanda, those affected by Apartheid, and the list goes on.
Here's a list in short of great reads that will teach one many lessons of history, struggles, and defeat.
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MONTH
So as we bring the month of October to an end, we also bring a close to Domestic Violence Awareness month. What have you done? Have you ever experienced domestic violence first hand? Have you ever witnessed someone else be damaged by it?
I have, and I'm not afraid to say so anymore. I am not ashamed anymore. Pity? No.. while that could have helped then, it is rather useless to me now. That season is now over, to never happen again. How do I know that? I know that becasue now I see the what the red flags are. Now I know what signs to look for. Now I know that I don't have to be married to raise great kids.
I had no comparison, growing up. Having parents who both hurt themselves, eachother and the futures of their offspring, it is safe for me to say that I didn't have parents for the most part.
I didn't know what signs to look for. My sense of the norm was warped. I thought that it was normal to get beat for x, y and maybe even z. But something deep down, told me that I was not normal. Something told me that there was a whole better place in life, and that I didn't have to die to get there. There was this little voice inside of me that said to go away, and my eyes would be opened. I did... and they were!
What I saw was that there were people trying to protect people like me. Although I didn't know how to get that help at first, I figured out how to help myself. And with the assistance of many others, I was able to make the necessary changes.
Now, my new dilemna was that I had just become a mother for the third time, and was in a bad situation to do this on my own. But now that the bus is rolling, there's no sense in putting on the brakes! So off I went, with my three children.
So my personal story is out there. What did I do to make a change in the lives of others?
At a young age, when I should have been in foster care myself, I became a member of a Youth Advisory Board at a runaway/throwaway home. I was a throwaway. I knew how these kids felt.. I could relate. So our team built programs to support these kids: support groups to deal with home issues, peer education on many topics including peer pressure, we even built a support group for gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, and confused teens. Eventually, I served a term in every office position: secretary, treasurer, vice president and president.
From there, I moved onto the Youth Panel Against Inner City Violence and served as a panel member on the Toni Nash Show and several news conferences. We also did our own fundraising for expenses incurred on these adventures.
As my job there was coming to an end, I moved on to an "Aftercare Program" where I assisted my peers in their efforts to re-enter society after adjudication. We addressed the root cause of certain behaviors and how to avoid negative situations.
Having gone through much personal drama within my own family, I took some time away from my efforts to clear my own head. During this time, I persued my music career and fell in love with Shadow; who shall forever be known as my one true love. The night we had gotten engaged, he was brutally murdered. Five months later, I was to find out that we would be parents of a beautiful boy.
At this point, my attention had left the music, as I had to suddenly prepare myself for single parenthood in an instance. There were only a matter of weeks to go. There was no support in place for this situation. Neither family was suitable to ask for any assistance.
My idea of feeling good, only started as planting a garden with my son. It evolved into 365 Earth Days per year, with media coverage on a few of them. This would continue until I had to run for my life. About 5 years in time, dedicated to the environment.
Three years later, I was to go through one of the most scariest storms in my life. There was a mutual friend of Shadow and myself, who had helped me get through it. He fell in love, and I simply outweighed my pros and cons... "Hmm.. He wasn't the type to do this or that... I'll take him!" Once we were living together, he began to change. This was the beginning of a nightmare that lasted 7 years.
Yes I admit that I was not "in love" with this man! This eventually broke his heart and turned him into the wretched beast that I would soon get to know very well. I don't think that either of us began that journey with malice in our hearts, however it sure did end that way! Although I don't doubt that he loved the kids, I know that his problem was losing me. He knew he had a trophy, so to speak, and that made him very proud. What he didn't realize was that his "trophy" was a living, breathing human being, with three children to care for. When the relationship was long over, he began to act very erratic. This eventually led to my children and I moving 1200 miles from home, just to survive him.
We currently assist other families in finding the help they need to make life altering positive changes such as:
- leaving abuse physically
- recovering from the physical and emotional aftermath
- job retention
- job invention (how to invent a job when you can't find one)
- replacing addiciton with positive behaviors
- fundraising for causes
- working with children, through tough times
I have, and I'm not afraid to say so anymore. I am not ashamed anymore. Pity? No.. while that could have helped then, it is rather useless to me now. That season is now over, to never happen again. How do I know that? I know that becasue now I see the what the red flags are. Now I know what signs to look for. Now I know that I don't have to be married to raise great kids.
I had no comparison, growing up. Having parents who both hurt themselves, eachother and the futures of their offspring, it is safe for me to say that I didn't have parents for the most part.
I didn't know what signs to look for. My sense of the norm was warped. I thought that it was normal to get beat for x, y and maybe even z. But something deep down, told me that I was not normal. Something told me that there was a whole better place in life, and that I didn't have to die to get there. There was this little voice inside of me that said to go away, and my eyes would be opened. I did... and they were!
What I saw was that there were people trying to protect people like me. Although I didn't know how to get that help at first, I figured out how to help myself. And with the assistance of many others, I was able to make the necessary changes.
Now, my new dilemna was that I had just become a mother for the third time, and was in a bad situation to do this on my own. But now that the bus is rolling, there's no sense in putting on the brakes! So off I went, with my three children.
So my personal story is out there. What did I do to make a change in the lives of others?
At a young age, when I should have been in foster care myself, I became a member of a Youth Advisory Board at a runaway/throwaway home. I was a throwaway. I knew how these kids felt.. I could relate. So our team built programs to support these kids: support groups to deal with home issues, peer education on many topics including peer pressure, we even built a support group for gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual, and confused teens. Eventually, I served a term in every office position: secretary, treasurer, vice president and president.
From there, I moved onto the Youth Panel Against Inner City Violence and served as a panel member on the Toni Nash Show and several news conferences. We also did our own fundraising for expenses incurred on these adventures.
As my job there was coming to an end, I moved on to an "Aftercare Program" where I assisted my peers in their efforts to re-enter society after adjudication. We addressed the root cause of certain behaviors and how to avoid negative situations.
Having gone through much personal drama within my own family, I took some time away from my efforts to clear my own head. During this time, I persued my music career and fell in love with Shadow; who shall forever be known as my one true love. The night we had gotten engaged, he was brutally murdered. Five months later, I was to find out that we would be parents of a beautiful boy.
At this point, my attention had left the music, as I had to suddenly prepare myself for single parenthood in an instance. There were only a matter of weeks to go. There was no support in place for this situation. Neither family was suitable to ask for any assistance.
My idea of feeling good, only started as planting a garden with my son. It evolved into 365 Earth Days per year, with media coverage on a few of them. This would continue until I had to run for my life. About 5 years in time, dedicated to the environment.
Three years later, I was to go through one of the most scariest storms in my life. There was a mutual friend of Shadow and myself, who had helped me get through it. He fell in love, and I simply outweighed my pros and cons... "Hmm.. He wasn't the type to do this or that... I'll take him!" Once we were living together, he began to change. This was the beginning of a nightmare that lasted 7 years.
Yes I admit that I was not "in love" with this man! This eventually broke his heart and turned him into the wretched beast that I would soon get to know very well. I don't think that either of us began that journey with malice in our hearts, however it sure did end that way! Although I don't doubt that he loved the kids, I know that his problem was losing me. He knew he had a trophy, so to speak, and that made him very proud. What he didn't realize was that his "trophy" was a living, breathing human being, with three children to care for. When the relationship was long over, he began to act very erratic. This eventually led to my children and I moving 1200 miles from home, just to survive him.
We currently assist other families in finding the help they need to make life altering positive changes such as:
- leaving abuse physically
- recovering from the physical and emotional aftermath
- job retention
- job invention (how to invent a job when you can't find one)
- replacing addiciton with positive behaviors
- fundraising for causes
- working with children, through tough times
17 October 2010
Dear God
Dear God,
It has been approximately 33 years since I was introduced to this world, and I would like to think that I have had an overall positive impact upon it.
Every day, I offer to you my prayers, works, joys and suffering. I ask of you to help the world. I ask you to remain a huge influence upon my life. I ask of you to grant us peace throughout the world, a sense of unity within our country, and to either heal or take away those in pain.
Lord, I do my best to carry out Your Divine Word, to evangelize Your Immaculate Name, and to lead by example.
Following the repentance of my sins, I'd like to ask for enough prosperity to provide comfortably for my children and to be able to go back to school.
God, I share this prayer with those who read this blog.. because I believe that You will bless us greatly.
It has been approximately 33 years since I was introduced to this world, and I would like to think that I have had an overall positive impact upon it.
Every day, I offer to you my prayers, works, joys and suffering. I ask of you to help the world. I ask you to remain a huge influence upon my life. I ask of you to grant us peace throughout the world, a sense of unity within our country, and to either heal or take away those in pain.
Lord, I do my best to carry out Your Divine Word, to evangelize Your Immaculate Name, and to lead by example.
Following the repentance of my sins, I'd like to ask for enough prosperity to provide comfortably for my children and to be able to go back to school.
God, I share this prayer with those who read this blog.. because I believe that You will bless us greatly.
14 October 2010
Have you experienced this whole page?
Take a look from top to bottom and see what this page has to offer! There are links to a few of my shows & some of my merchandise is featured there. To the left, you can click on any of the titles listed on where to find Kahala Lei these days.
On your way out, please take the time to feed my fish by clicking in the water and leaving the little orange dots for the fish to eat.
Thank you for stopping through! Please follow the blog to keep updated on some of the many endeavors that I am involved with. Look out for the upcoming cd collab, due to be released in 2011.
May your day be filled with peace and love!
Kahala Lei
On your way out, please take the time to feed my fish by clicking in the water and leaving the little orange dots for the fish to eat.
Thank you for stopping through! Please follow the blog to keep updated on some of the many endeavors that I am involved with. Look out for the upcoming cd collab, due to be released in 2011.
May your day be filled with peace and love!
Kahala Lei
Who do I think I am?
aside from the chiari malformation, which is enough to cause many difficulties, but not a serious issue; I have also taken many serious head injuries. This includes all abuse when I was young and a car accident that the doctors are still baffled about how I lived. Once I was lucid again, they gave me a 10 year expiration date as a vegetable. That was 14 years ago, this past September 29th.
I can do most things that I used to, except dance and play sports for an extensive amount of time. My head and back are a constant issue. My memory suffers a little, but I won't let things hold me down for long.
In the last 4 years that it has taken me to get away from the kids' father and try to get back on my feet... I don't know what happened to me. I lost much creativity, the positive warrior attitude, and vision. I know where I am, I know where I want to be, I know that it is very attainable... I am petrified to wake up each day. I have been through a lifetime of therapy to the point that I can tell myself what I need to know, without the doctor.
I am lost, yet determined to be found.
I'd like to be a full time writer, business owner and activist of sorts. For many years, I served on the Philadelphia Youth Panel for Anti Violence. I've trained people on how to get jobs, in a program that I used to volunteer in, I am an environmentalist of sorts, and the official "kool-aid mom" of the last 3 years to many children.
Until this past July, I built and taught Christian curriculum on all levels upto 18 years of age.
Now that I do Avon, I am trying to utilize that to do fundraising in the community. They also do many other fundraisers that are not advertised, as a result of Reese Witherspoon being their spokeswoman, and what she believes in.
What I haven't yet covered, I think is summed up by telling you that I am an active boyscout mom as well. Of course, when my son has something to do, our whole family does it.
I have worked in everything from a major in retail ops & mgmt, food service, peer guidance counseling, proprietor, street lawyer, early childhood education, juvenile justice education, debt collection, job retention, custodial and many forms of art and production
I hope this gives you a better understanding of who I am.
I can do most things that I used to, except dance and play sports for an extensive amount of time. My head and back are a constant issue. My memory suffers a little, but I won't let things hold me down for long.
In the last 4 years that it has taken me to get away from the kids' father and try to get back on my feet... I don't know what happened to me. I lost much creativity, the positive warrior attitude, and vision. I know where I am, I know where I want to be, I know that it is very attainable... I am petrified to wake up each day. I have been through a lifetime of therapy to the point that I can tell myself what I need to know, without the doctor.
I am lost, yet determined to be found.
I'd like to be a full time writer, business owner and activist of sorts. For many years, I served on the Philadelphia Youth Panel for Anti Violence. I've trained people on how to get jobs, in a program that I used to volunteer in, I am an environmentalist of sorts, and the official "kool-aid mom" of the last 3 years to many children.
Until this past July, I built and taught Christian curriculum on all levels upto 18 years of age.
Now that I do Avon, I am trying to utilize that to do fundraising in the community. They also do many other fundraisers that are not advertised, as a result of Reese Witherspoon being their spokeswoman, and what she believes in.
What I haven't yet covered, I think is summed up by telling you that I am an active boyscout mom as well. Of course, when my son has something to do, our whole family does it.
I have worked in everything from a major in retail ops & mgmt, food service, peer guidance counseling, proprietor, street lawyer, early childhood education, juvenile justice education, debt collection, job retention, custodial and many forms of art and production
I hope this gives you a better understanding of who I am.
13 October 2010
04 October 2010
Updates from Kahala Lei
Well we know that Kahala Lei is working her stuff at the speed of lightning, these days; with shows, both live and on BTR (also known as Blog Talk Radio). You can tell this by her FaceBook, Twitter and MySpace updates. With the new CD Titled Americans for Change, Kahala Lei has alot on her plate! She apologizes for not having written in some time, as she is preparing to record, produce and master the tracks and graphics for this upcoming project.
Please take the time to visit her on Reverb Nation and see some of the work she has recently accomplished. An easier way to stay on top of her endeavors is to join the mailing list. Check out her store on the site, as Kah has been designing 3 major lines of clothing:
- Poetic Urban Styles
- Blossoming Poets, and of course..
- The Signature Blood Money Poets line
Stay up on twitter @
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